and just like that...

you know, when I see myself, I see an accomplished individual. I am about to be 23, I am educated, I have no kids, I have 3 jobs (I count school), I had no father, I have never smoked, I have never committed a felony, I have never been arrested, I am saved, I have great friends and family members...but today I have come to the conclusion that I am a lonely individual. Ask anybody that knows me, I have had a lot of girlfriends, most of them lasting less than a month, and throught my life I have wondered and wondered why this kept happening. I tried to speed the process up, I tried to slow it down to a near screeching halt, I tried not being myself, I tried being myself, and no matter how hard I tried...it never worked out. Now when I say lonely, I know some people will bring up God, and in that sense, I know He will never leave, nor forsake me, but even He knows that I am lonely. I date all kinds and races (contrary to popular belief) of women and come up short every time. I pride myself on not just jumping into anything because then Ill end up in another failure. Today though, it hit me very hard that my biggest issue is with being alone. Maybe I am putting too much emphasis on this, and maybe I just need to calm myself down, but its my issue so don't be too mad at me for at least being man enough to admit it. If you know me, and you are reading this, you can probably guess what happened. I am a firm believer in not putting people on blast and this situation will be no different. However, as I sit in my bed trying to chill out and think positive, I keep wondering why...with all of the crap I have had to deal with, I would much rather have been single. That may seem like a lie, but that whole "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before" is not something I can cosign on. Reason being, I have loved and lost, and to see that person happy with someone else...that is a pain that I do not wish on anyone that I consider friend of enemy. This is rambling, but I need to get this off of my chest, even if no one reads this...Dre is hurt and is tired of being hurt over and over again. Fellas take note, being like me aint what that is, cuz when you do find someone you care about, when you do find someone that you can see yourself in a relationship with, when you do find someone that your moms thinks is cute, when you do find someone that motivates you to do better, when you do find someone that brightens up everyday of the week you get to talk to her, when you do find someone that knows and understands you, when you do find someone that you can talk to about anything, when you find that person that fits you...and it falls through...nothing in the world can match that pain...nothing at all...and no matter what your friends and family say to try to cheer you up, when its 4 am, and you cant sleep and you look at her facebook and see her pics, you realize that you are hurt, and you realize that this is not something you will get over any time soon...

~be easy and watch your hearts...