Who do I choose...?

In my life, I've been through a lot of things fam, and because of this, I can help people with similar situations. Recently, a young woman approached me with a relationship issue that I have heard time and time again from both sexes: who do I choose?

To be fair, I've faced this situation myself more than once, and picked wrong, so I know about thing or two about who to pick and why for the most part. I won't use the Bible, I'm going off pure experience here, ok? Ok.

She starts off with who she wants, the "bad guy", the standoffish guy, not in a hurry to get in a relationship, nor get a title guy. The, "he can check me when I need to be checked"  and "knows how to handle me"  guy (why cant she do this for herself?) . She talks about him in the way everyone talks about this person in their situation. Constantly smiling, giddy, looking down, acting outside of themselves, and overly anxious. That's what this person does to people, it's causes them to get a sensation of excitement, mystery, and sometimes even danger. This person seems perfect for your thought process about who you are and where you're going in life. She told me she took one look at him and said, "that's me" without even having a him to speak (lucky guy huh?).

She then talked about the other guy, (here is where it gets fun), the nice guy, the guy she feels like she can run over, the guy that can't control her, the guy that is sweet and treats her right but is just too good for her  (I hope you're paying attention), the guy that goes out of his way to make sure she knows he wants a relationship and a title. He isn't afraid to display how he feels publicly, etc. Yall know what a nice guy is, it's 2014. If you don't, check your friendzone, there is one there.

She admits that she likes both, which is a first, but is heavily leaning towards the first. She doesn't want to hurt the second guy but feels like it would be a disservice to herself to date him. So, of course, she asks me for advice.

Now, I'm not at liberty to lean either way, I know both guys very well, so I go the unbiased route. I told her to take her time and to really think about this decision. It's not black and white like she is making it seem sadly. She told me she always goes for guys like the first guy and always ends up hurt which, in my humble opinion, would make me stay the hell away from him, but it's not me, nor my decision. I told her to not be lead by anyone other than herself, don't take advice, but to make the decision that will most benefit the human she sees in the mirror. At the end of the day, you have to live with the decision anyway, might as well be happy right?

Her descriptions of the guys already told me how she feels about herself and who she should and should not pick. I didn't tell her, she's grown and needs to make that choice herself but it is very obvious she should be rolling with the second guy. Anybody that makes you overly anxious, has the general make up of your exs that have cheated on you, makes you act out of character and is being too standoffish, just simply isn't good for you. She is probably going to pick him, she made out with him right before talking to me, but I don't see it being as fairy tale as she believes it to be.

Her telling me the second guy was "too good for her" speaks so many volumes fam... I hear this a lot and wonder if people really realize what it is they are saying about themselves and speaking over their lives. He's too good for me doesn't say, "he is too nice and I don't think it will work", it says, "I don't deserve the way he treats me because of my past/because I don't think I can reciprocate it", period. It's less work dealing with what you're used to, you know what to expect, you know how to handle it, but let something new come along and show you something real, you won't know how to act.

Neither guy, or anyone, is perfect by any means, but her descriptions spoke volumes. I hope I'm wrong, I really do. I dont want another sad case, another heartbreak close to me, but she and others have to start looking past what they feel and look at what's real. What's real is the first guy is the same thing she always goes for and always ends the same way. What real is the second guy cares for her deeply and goes out of his way to be there for her when she needs him.

"You can stay in the shallow end of the pool forever, but you'll never experience anything deeper if 'safe' is always your decision. Truth is you can drown in any amount of water, so staying 'safe' isn't any safer at all."

K. I. N. G.