Dreams and Nightmares

I cant sleep
Shouldn't be this deep
But every time I close my eyes from counting sheep
I see things that make me want to throw up and just weep
I seek
Release from the anguish that is over thinking
It seeps away dreams and thoughts
I think I'm sinking
No drinking, it won't make it go away
Death and heartache are the games my mind plays
On me
It's usually one if these three:
In one, I'm happy,
Married to the best
We have a child together, a house and the rest
There's a certain unrest
I see it in her eyes
When it's time to wake up, I catch her face down in his thighs
In another, I witness the murder of a brother
His murderous rage isn't fulfilled, he wants another
Recover?
Well, I never do
And those I aided when they were down never fall through
In the last, I end up out on my ass
Best friend left me because I lacked common class
She told me she loved me, but in love was different
And didn't think I had the tools to sail her ship with
Suicide is my option, I say my goodbye
Only to find out she wanted me back from the light
I'm cursed
To walk the earth and see her in sorrow
Wishing I could hug her and come back tomorrow
These dreams and nightmares
Have my mind ensnared
Haven't had a happy dream in months I swear
I hate sleep
I wake up wanting to be free
Eyes bloodshot from the pain my dreams seek
Reoccurring heartache has left a lasting impression
I'm rambling on and on because being awake is an obsession
I'm afraid my dreams will come true,
My love will cheat,
She'll think I'm weak
Or ill learn through pain how many friends are meek
I can't sleep...
I want to put my mind at ease
But easy is relative
Gotta learn how to sail these seas
Proper preparation will keep me poised to win
Positive outlooks and swallowed pride
Controlling my mind and body and drive
No excuses...
Even though these dreams man...
These fucking dreams...

K. I. N. G.